Substance Abuse: A Family Disease

By Jane St. Clair

Anyone who has experienced substance abuse in their family knows that there are two faces to every user – the abuser face and the sober face. Depending on which face is showing, the family is forced to function differently.

For example, when one parent is drinking, the family may not allow anybody in their house in order to hide it from outsiders. The children will hang out at their friends’ houses to avoid the drama at home. The other parent may criticize the addicted parent’s behavior and act angry or sullen, but will continue to cover for them at work and among their family and friends to keep up the façade of a functional family.

When the addicted parent is sober, however, the family works differently. Family members spend more time at home, and they feel grateful for the peaceful atmosphere. On the other hand, everyone believes the calm is only temporary, and that very soon things will explode again.

After a family member returns from a substance abuse rehabilitation program, everyone assumes that the family will function as though that person is sober. But if the substance abuser becomes truly abstinent and applies the life skills learned in rehabilitation, then the entire family system has to rearrange itself to incorporate the radical changes in this family member’s personality. They then have to invent a third way of functioning – this time, as a family without any substance abuse problems.

Parental Substance Abuse

In a family in which one parent is an alcoholic, children often lack the attention of both parents. That is true whether the addicted parent is abusing or sober. The addicted parent is likely so preoccupied with their addition that they do not make it a priority to focus on their children. The other parent is likely so preoccupied with coping with their partner’s substance abuse that they are inconsistent when it comes to parenting. In fact, when children of alcoholics attend support meetings, they usually complain more about their non-alcoholic parent than the one who drinks.

Once the substance abusing parent returns home from a rehabilitation center, they are likely to become more available to their children and organize family activities. They will want to use the communication and parenting skills they learned in treatment to again bond with their children. They will want to go to soccer games and meet friends to become more involved in the lives of their children. The children, if they don’t reject these new behaviors, will take some time to adjust to this new version of their parent.

Teen Substance Abuse

In a family in which a child is abusing drugs or alcohol, the parents are likely to focus all of their attention on that child. They often neglect the needs of the other children in the family or expect them to be the “good kids” all the time. The family’s entire dynamic is based on the needs and moods of the addicted child.

When the “bad kid” has reformed and returned to the family home after treatment, it changes the dynamics of the entire family system. The recovering teen has now learned to communicate with others in more positive ways to talk about their needs instead of turning to drugs or alcohol for solace and support. Other family members are now expected to be open and loving to this “new” person, and not acknowledge their own feelings of distrust and anger over their troubled history together. This may be difficult for the other children in the family, as well as the parents.

Substance Abuse Treatment Centers Bring Reform

Substance abuse treatment centers can help families deal with this new version of their family member. Treatment will address addiction as a disease in itself and addiction as a family disease that affects the behaviors and psychology of everyone involved. All of the complicated family dynamics caused by a family member’s alcohol or drug abuse can be addressed in therapy.

At a substance abuse treatment center, all family members will become involved in the recovery process from the very beginning. They will attend family therapy meetings that can help treat the family itself and teach them new, healthy ways of relating to each other. Family members may need to have their own individual therapists to work out their anger over the past and their distrust in their loved ones’ new promises.

While a family member is in treatment, counselors at the treatment center often work with family members at home, in person or via telephone or computer. When the recovering family member comes home, the family remains in treatment as a unit. The family will likely attend support meetings such as Al-Anon or remain in therapy for many months to produce every positive change needed to create a more loving family.